Narcissists

HAVE YOU WONDERED IF YOU'VE DELT WITH A NARCISSIST PERSON?

Dealing with a narcissist person can sometimes be obvious, sometimes less. It can put you in a place where your self esteem is shaken and your self confidence taken away in just a moment.

Having to deal with a separation, divorce, family conflict or friendship relationships is already tough. Having to deal with someone who's a narcissist, through those situations, makes it that much harder.

It is often times easy to spot a narcissists. Nowadays, the word is thrown around more than before. Some people, when in love or when having to deal with childhood traumas, can seem very different the "normal" narcissist.

With a step back we can find some traits and better understand why we didn't feel completely ourselves around them. The way they approach someone can be very subtle and no so "in your face".

In this article we will look at 3 MAIN TOPICS about a narcissists:

• How to identify a narcissist

• The difference between narcissist traits and self confidence

• What behaviours indicates narcissistic abuse in relationships

*This information was found on various reputable websites

1- HOW TO IDENTIFY A NARCISSIST:

Narcissism usually shows up as a clear pattern of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and a strong need for admiration that repeats across situations and relationships.

Core personality traits

• Grandiose self-importance: Exaggerates achievements, expects to be seen as superior even without real accomplishments, and often believes “normal” rules don’t apply to them.

• Preoccupation with success, power, beauty, or status: Constantly talks or fantasizes about being the most successful, the most attractive, or the most powerful person in the room.

• Strong sense of entitlement: Expects special treatment, priority, or exceptions simply because of who they are, and gets angry or offended when they do not receive it.

How they treat other people

• Need for excessive admiration: Constant fishing for compliments, bragging, and becoming cold or irritated if they are not praised or “center stage.”

• Exploitative and manipulative behaviour: Uses others for personal gain, pushes boundaries, guilt‑trips, love‑bombs, or gaslights to keep control and get what they want.

• Lack of empathy: Minimizes or dismisses your feelings, can’t or won’t imagine your perspective, and often blames you for being “too sensitive” when you are hurt.

Typical attitudes and reactions

• Arrogant or superior attitude: Talks down to people, mocks or belittles others’ successes, and acts as if most people are beneath them.

• Extreme sensitivity to criticism: Even gentle feedback can trigger rage, defensiveness, sulking, or counter‑attacks, because their self‑esteem is actually quite fragile.

• Envy and comparison: Often jealous of others’ success or convinced that others are jealous of them, and may try to undermine people they see as “competition.”

Relationship red flags

• One‑sided relationships: The focus is on their needs, problems, and goals; your needs are minimized, ignored, or used only when it benefits them.

• Superficial charm at first, then devaluation: Can be very charming, flattering, and intense early on, but later becomes critical, cold, or contemptuous once you are attached.

• Boundary violations: Pushes or ignores your limits (time, privacy, emotional, financial), and reacts with anger or guilt‑trips when you say no.

2- HOW DO NARCISSISTIC TRAITS DIFFER FROM NORMAL SELF CONFIDENCE?

Healthy self‑confidence is grounded, flexible, and includes respect for others, while narcissistic traits are rigid, fragile, and come with entitlement and lack of empathy. Someone confident can think well of themselves without needing to be “above” others, but a narcissistic person usually needs to feel superior and constantly validated.

Where self‑worth comes from:

• Confidence: Based on realistic self‑knowledge, past effort, and internal values; people with high self‑esteem accept strengths and weaknesses and still feel basically “enough.”

• Narcissism: Self‑worth depends heavily on external praise, status, and others’ opinions, so it swings with criticism or lack of attention.

View of self vs others

• Confidence: “I’m valuable, and so are you” – does not require feeling superior and usually includes empathy and respect for others’ boundaries and perspectives.

• Narcissism: “I’m special, above the rules” – tends to feel superior, dismiss others’ needs, and may exploit or devalue people to protect that image.

Reaction to criticism and failure

• Confidence: Can tolerate criticism, reflect, apologize when wrong, and use feedback to improve, even if it stings.

• Narcissism: Often reacts with rage, deep shame, defensiveness, or counter‑attacks because criticism threatens a fragile self‑image.

Relationship impact

• Confidence: Supports collaboration, long‑term relationships, and mutual growth; confident people can celebrate others’ success.

• Narcissism: Often leads to one‑sided, conflictual, or manipulative relationships, marked by control, envy, and a pattern of idealizing then devaluing others.

3- WHAT BEHAVIOURS INDICATE NARCISSISTIC ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS:

Narcissistic abuse in relationships usually shows up as a repeating pattern of idealizing you, then devaluing and controlling you, while denying your reality and eroding your self‑esteem. It is less about one “bad fight” and more about ongoing manipulation, blame, and disrespect for your boundaries.

Early stage behaviours

• Love‑bombing: Over‑the‑top attention, fast “I love you” or future talk, constant messages/gifts, pressure to spend all your time together, creating quick emotional dependence.

• Fast attachment then switches: They rush commitment, then start pulling away, criticizing, or becoming cold once you are emotionally invested.

Ongoing manipulation tactics

• Gaslighting: Denying things you clearly remember, twisting conversations, saying you are “crazy” or “too sensitive” so you doubt your memory and judgment.

• Blame‑shifting and constant criticism: You are “always the problem”; they rarely take responsibility and often say, “You made me do this,” while picking at your flaws or mistakes.

Control and boundary violations

• Isolation: Discouraging or mocking your friends/family, creating drama when you see others, or monitoring your phone/location to make you more dependent on them.

• Ignoring boundaries: Pushing past your no, invading privacy, controlling your time, money, or decisions, and punishing you (silent treatment, anger, withdrawal) when you set limits.

Emotional climate for the partner

• Walking on eggshells: You feel anxious about their moods, carefully manage what you say, and feel responsible for keeping the peace.

• Erosion of self‑worth: Over time you may feel confused, ashamed, depressed, or like you have “lost yourself,” questioning your reality and value.

When to treat it as abuse

• The behaviour is a pattern (not a one‑off), you feel consistently afraid, confused, or small, and attempts to talk or set boundaries are turned back on you.

• If there is any threat, stalking, physical or sexual violence, or you feel unsafe, it is important to reach out to local domestic violence resources or a trusted professional as soon as possible.

** NEED HELP?

If you are dealing with someone who shows many of these traits and you feel confused, drained, or unsafe, it can help to:

• Document specific behaviours and patterns.

• Strengthen your boundaries and limit what you share.

• Don't engage (or reduce your interactions) with the person.

• Seek support from a professional psychologist, therapist or counselor familiar with narcissistic abuse dynamics.

• Contact a Help Line and/or Talk to someone you trust.

** IMPORTANT NOTES:

• Having some of these traits does not automatically mean someone has NPD; a clinical diagnosis needs a trained mental health professional and looks at long‑term, rigid patterns.

• This article is solely for information purpose.

REFLECTIONS:

• Do you recognize any of these traits in a relationship you’re in?

• Do you have a hard time recognizing yourself?  

• Do you feel like you constantly have to analyze yourself, in your relationship?

• Does everything seem all your fault all the time?