19. A Broken Heart / A Broken Promise (The Feeling of being Nothing)

Have you ever felt like what you are is only a provider? The person who gives, gives and gives and in return you are transparent. Only but a fixture in the house?

The one that will lift mountains to get to someone, the one that will do anything, even if it means putting your own life in danger, just so that the other person's life is safe, comfortable and better than they could have ever imagined? Feeling betrayed by the closest person to you?

Are you feeling empty of energy because you're giving it all away? The second you've replenished your energy and feel like you've taken the reigns of your life once again... You are beaten down by another situation or event that makes you feel even more little than the time before... and that is done by the people closest to you.

The deep wound I have felt in the last several months have beaten me down so much, that I barely know if I can make it out alive anymore. Friendships showing their true colours in the most crucial time in your life. Relationships who you thought the safest, end up hurting you. No one can control how they feel... However, we can only control who we are, what we want to give in terms of time and energy.

This is a life lessons that teaches me that no one is safe from no one. You think you're safe from the safest person in your life... and turn the corner and you might get shocked by a new news... one that feels like a knife to the the heart. Then I am told they are scared to tell me, because they don't want to hurt me... but I feel like it is my right to be hurt, sad, angry and live all the emotions. I just want to run away. Run where though? No one anywhere to listen without judgement or a reaction that will create more chaos.

This pain has been sharp and heavy for months now... 6 months to be more precise. I've had to move away from the people who have hurt me.

Events like these tare you down and make you lose sense of who you are and your self estime, especially if you've had childhood traumas. Surmounting the mountain that seems to keep getting bigger and bigger is possible. You just have to be gentle with yourself and take it one day at a time. Find a group of help, a friend, a therapist or anyone that will listen with kindness and a open heart.

You deserve to be listened to and understood. It might not be the immediate person you can think of that will listen to you.

A Pain like no other. The one where you think your life is going great and it crumbles in front of you to destroy everything you ever believed in. Rebuilding that takes time and kindness.

You deserve that time and kindness. You are heard and understood.

Come share your story here.