The Black Sheep

Growing pains... They hurt and are hard to travel through. We don't always understand what is happening and why it's happening to us.

As we become adults those differences amplify if we don't work on them or we don't fully listen to what our body and heart is saying.

The Black Sheep will often also be a "People Pleaser". The person that will have a hard time to say NO. Accept crumbs, because they think it's the way they should be loved.

It's unintentional, but those people can feel very different to the same people they were brought up with. With the same parents.

The Black Sheep feeling is a feeling of discomfort in oneself and that is putting the person in a perpetual rethinking of who they are, what they did and how they can do better to fit in.

Does this seem like you? Or someone you know?

Younger I always had a hard time making real friends. I had friends, but never ones that stuck around or that I could say were "real friends". The kind of friendship you dream about and see in the movies. The ones you can open up to, laugh with, cry with and even fight with, but the friendship will always be strong enough to get through a fight. The ones that have your back, no matter what.

I didn't really have those. I always wondered why. I cried a lot about it. My mom would always say: "Don't worry, you'll get some real friends some day, but know that I'll always be there." It was kind and gentle, but not what I wanted. I wanted a friend. My own personal friend, attached to the hips.

The feeling of Injustice was omni present. I just didn't know how to fit in.

How to be like others.

As I got older I did made some real friends. Time went by and some stayed and others had to go.

Being a Loner when I was young, made me recoil on myself. It's easy for me to talk to someone, but not get deep in a relationship with someone. I can open up, but always with a reserve.

Today I cherish my friends, because they are great. Nothing fills the void of not having them in my youth.

Today, After going through something difficult, is also another moment when I lost friends.

The shock of what happened to me, made me realize how little care I was giving myself. How much self respect and love I was giving myself. That's the beginning of the real me. That shock made me understand that what I had learned in my youth, from feeling unseen, unheard, rejected and more made me into the person that did accept crumbs, wasn't able to say NO and would just do anything to get some kind of love from others.

This changed.. .or at least is changing. One day at a time.

To anyone who is living a life half fulfilled, or don't know why you feel like the Black Sheep, left out, Different, Unseen or UnHeard, I SEE YOU. You are perfect as you are. You don't need to change. You don't need to make yourself smaller for anyone. You're simply not around the right people or the right place.

Learn to say NO, in small moments, to become the pro of saying NO in bigger moments.

Learn to Love yourself as you are. All your quirks, flaws and beauties.

It's a journey. Getting there is a state of mind. Only you can achieve it.

You're WORTH IT!

REFLECTIONS:

• Do you have a hard time to say NO?

• Do you have a hard time accepting love and care from others?

• Do you feel different to others?

• Are you the Black Sheep of your family? Your friends?