SuperWomen to her Knees

Super Woman sent to her knees

Once upon a time... a strong woman full of ambitions, did everything in her power to

succeed. It even meant she put aside her own health to make sure she did and that

her family would be the happiest. She put everyone’s needs in front of her own. She

did that her whole life, until a few months before her 34th birthday... where she

collapsed and crumbled. She lost all her powers and strength. She fell to her knees,

unable to move, breath and think. She had gone too far.

She was diagnosed on a burnout, with anxiety and panic attacks. She couldn't do

anything else. All she could do was sleep, cry, panic and cry some more.

Nothing mattered anymore. Everything lost its colours. Life became heavy. Going out

became a burden and a very hard task. Doing anything at all became a chore.

Life put her way a big challenge. The one to STOP, relax, take care of HERSELF, and

take time to appreciate the present. Free herself of responsibilities, understand that

we only have one life to live and that we must live it to the fullest, but to also respect

ourselves in everything we do. For people like her, it takes such an important event

to occur in order to start implementing change.

After weeks of pain, spinning head and fear of everything, she finally came to terms

that she had to take medication in order to catch her breath and stop her head from

spinning so much. It felt like a failure, but it was a necessary step to improvement.

She's been crossing several hurdles... but it still doesn't seem like to be the end of the

downward spiral and still far from any recovery. The best thing she needs to do is take

it one day at a time.

This is the story of how she got to there and how she overcame the mountain and how

she relearned to walk, talk and live… One day at a time.

On February 19, 1984, a little girl came into this world. Mini Super Woman was wanted

by her mother, but the world wasn’t quite ready for her… A world where having a child

without a father, or a husband to her mother, just didn’t make sense. She came into

this world with a lot of love, but little did she know, she would have to overcome several

hurdles. Hurdles of her mother’s past, present and future. She was put on this planet

to help her mother find her way.

Her mother… Nicole had a very comfortable upbringing. Respected parents with

means. The high society. She wanted out. She wanted to feel free and spread her

wings on her own. She felt trapped and overprotected. So she reverted to the good,

the bad and the ugly… She turned to men who she thought were good for her but

ended up being harmful to her. Love, drug and Rock and Roll. The 70’s, just not on

the right side of the track.

She was in a relationship, a poisonous one. She met another tall handsome man,

named, Paul. Had a beautiful one-night stand with him and got pregnant. What a

tragedy! She had to tell her current boyfriend that she was carrying someone else’s

child and was going to keep it. She was going to be a mother, without him and it wasn’t

his.

It took her several weeks to be able to admit it to herself and the world. She had to

face the day. Because she wouldn’t be able to hide it for much longer. A baby bump.

She was only 22 years old at the time. Still an early age to be carrying a child and

raising it. She was still a baby herself and learning about herself. But another abortion

was just not a possibility for her. She just wanted to feel true love and unconditional

love.

She first faced the father… She asked Paul to go for a walk to the park, because she

needed to speak with him. They went to the park, sat down on a bench, surrounded

by beautiful old tree, filled with green leaves. The wind blowing slowly around them

she found the courage to tell Paul she was expecting his child. The fruit of their loin

and she was going to keep it. Paul was on shock. At only 17 years of age, he wasn’t

ready to be a father. He simply said he didn’t want anything to do with it.

Nicole, accepted it, looked down at her growing belly and told her baby that all was

going to be ok and we were going to do this together, as a team and she would love

her unconditionally, as a mother and a father. She would do anything in her power to

do all she could to raise Janik into a beautiful, strong, kind and loving girl.

She then had to face her second hurdle… the dreaded family. High society didn’t

agree with single mothers raising their child without a father and even less without a

husband. Children born outside of wedlock were seen as bastards.

She first faced the easiest one, her mother. The kind and sweet Suzanne. As they

were both drinking a warm coffee around the family table having small talk, Nicole’s

mind was brewing with anxiety… She took her courage into her own hands and

announced that she had a growing child inside her. Suzanne would become a grandmother.

Suzanne flinched and took her grown up daughter in her arms and with a hint

of pain and sadness she told her it would all be ok. That she would be there, as a

mother would, to help her through her hurdles that were yet to come.

No mother wants their child to have to live hardships and difficulty, but she also knew

she couldn’t control her adult daughter, All she could do was be there for her and

support her as best she could.

Then came the dreaded Father… John was strict and hard, but deep down all he

wanted was the best for his children. A man who was taught tough love, so was only

able to reproduce tough love. Nicole took all her courage and told him her new reality.

He fell to his knees and wept. He wanted so much more for her. He wanted to give

her world and for her to take it by storm. But this would be her new reality and he

understood that he no longer had a choice, but to let her be what she wanted to be.

Let her live the life she had chosen for herself.

To her surprise, her parents were going to be present and would help her through this

new phase of her life.

Not everyone in her family thought she was doing the right thing, but that wasn’t their

decision to make. And all they could do was to accept the reality, whether they liked

it or not. Life had presented her with a gift, and she was going to make the most of it.

Several months later, back living with her parents, she was 8 months and a half

pregnant with a big belly, full of love. Dancing away in her parents living room, looking

at the snow fall to the ground outside the window, eating peanut butter from a spoon

and just loving the growing girl inside her. Loving the warmth and peace It brought

her. She was feeling free and loved, which she hadn’t felt for a long time.

The calm before the storm… Little did she know what was ahead of her.

Late in the night of the 18th of February, Nicole started having contractions. It was

time. D-Day had arrived. The day she would finally meet her beautiful daughter.

Contraction after contraction, she fought through the pain and warrior her way through

delivery. At 5:58am, on the 19th of February, in a cream-colored room in a very quiet

hospital, a big cry was heard in the hallways of the hospital and Mini Super Woman

was born. The apple of her mother’s eye. Tears came rolling down her cheek, as she

first laid eyes on her first-born daughter, Janik, her Super Woman.

Everyone came to congratulate Nicole at the hospital and to finally meet her little miss.

Even her grand-mother who thought that having a child outside of wedlock was

unbelievable. She sat by her bed and congratulated her, then she took her hand and

gave Nicole her ring and inserted in her wedding finger, so people would think she

was married and didn’t speak to Nicole for 4 months after that. She wanted the best

for her, but it just wasn’t part of her mentality. until she reasoned and realized that not

having her in her life for a child, is no reason to not be in someone’s life….

Life was great between the 2 of them. It was bliss, love and mostly unconditional love

and undivided attention. Mini Super Woman provided love and comfort to Nicole and

in return she provided the same.

It all lasted for 3 years. What a blissful time it was. The 2 of them against the world.

Without forgetting the amazing support of Suzanne, John and Nicole’s brother. The

Fauteux family, the troopers and defenders of true love!

- - -

Fall 1987… Nicole fell back into her regular patterns… Wrong men, bad decisions

and wrongful consumption…

- - -

I have been struggling for over a week to continue writing. It’s been very difficult to

revisit all these painful memories. It simply brings back so much pain, fear and

confusion. I’ve been struggling with writing about it because of the fear of living it all

over again. People who haven’t been through this kind of experience cannot

understand. They simply tell you to get over it and stop thinking about it. But all of

this becomes you, it becomes who you are and it shapes who I am today. I don’t like

to live with it, but I can’t do any differently. I was told once that after all I have been

through, it would have been normal to give up and stop fighting. But I’ve always

decided to choose optimism, positivity, seeing the beauty in a situation instead of

dwelling on the negative. Not that it’s not there, and it doesn’t surface, but it’s easier

to live a life in the light than it is to live it in the dark. Darkness pulls you into the

oblivion and it is hard to pull yourself out of it. Not impossible, but harder. So the

lightness of positivity always appealed more. It’s freeing and forgiving.

No one lives in someone else’s shoes. So, we can’t know what they have gone

through in life, today or last week. Maybe their reaction stems from one or all of these

things. It’s not their fault. They shouldn’t be judge for it but forgiven and understood.

Love conquers all, always.

Once we understand we can only control ourselves and not our surrounding, it is what

we make of it and with it.

The rest is in the hands of others, and life. The only person you can be, is yourself.

Then only person you can change is yourself. The only person who will be affected

by your choices and actions, is yourself. So, it is only a decision within yourself that

you should have and decide what kind of life you want to live, what kind of person you

want to be and what you want to achieve.

Light or Dark? Positivity or Negativity? Light or Heavy? Happy or Miserable?

That is only up to you. When there’s a will, there is a way. No one will judge you for

your choice of life, but only yourself. So how can you be at ease with your mind, body

and soul? Which path is the right one for you?

- - -

Fall 1987… Nicole fell back into her regular patterns… Wrong men, bad decisions

and wrongful consumption… Life was good, life was smooth and happy. Mini Super

woman and Nicole had a beautiful bond. The lion and her cub, making their way into

the savanna like two power houses, facing the world as one. It all came crashing

down when Pierre came into her life. She fell madly in love with big bad wolf… He

had big teeth, a strong character, big claws, manipulative and a bad temper. He

charmed her with all his beauty and strength. He dazzled her and swept her off her

feet. Love at last... Or so she thought. Pierre was a men of many flaws, but love was

blind.

He had had a rough time in life. Loved to manipulate, control and loved to party. The

partying often turned into consumption of drugs. He was sweet to mini super woman

at first… he charmed her too… but it wasn’t long before she felt unsettled and scared

of him.

The fighting between the 2 started very quickly into the relationship. The hitting, the

anger, the shouting, the throwing of things around the house.

But the manipulation conquered it all. Nicole couldn’t leave. She was in love.

She would often take Mini Super Woman back to her parents house, after her fights.

To protect her little girl. The tantrums of Pierre were out of control. Violent!

And they found refuge at Grandma and grandpa’s house. They safe house. The

house of love and comfort.

6 months later Nicole became pregnant with Pierre baby. Things got better and

smoother. Love came back, but only for a short while. The violent attacks,

manipulation, intimidation and fights came back with a rage. Pierre couldn’t cope with

all the pressure. He was taking more and more drugs. And as he was consuming

more, he got more violent. Pushed Janik and Nicole around, smacked her hard, threw

things at them and would humiliate them often.

One day, on the start of the summer, Nicole was almost 8 months pregnant, with her

soon to be son. A big belly, a kicking bouncing bundle of joy, growing inside of her,

inside their apartment, a fight erupted. The tone of the voice got louder and louder,

the shouting increased, all because Nicole was sick of Pierre’s consumption of drugs

and late nights. A baby was on the way, she simply wanted him to become responsible

and turn things around for himself and her. As the shouts got louder, the doors started

slamming, things we’re thrown around the house, and breaking… Pierre had had

enough…He was going out. He needed some air… he turned around threw 2 teddy

bears at Janik, for her to go away and disappear from his sight… but Janik was scared,

she just couldn’t move. She was by the door of her room, just at the end of the corridor

from the entrance, where Nicole and Pierre were standing... She was crying, asking

them to stop. As she was crying, Pierre got angrier and Nicole stressed even more.

The tension grew and grew... until Pierre couldn’t take it anymore and pushed a very

pregnant Nicole down the stairs of over 30 steps, to fend for herself. Nicole grabbed

on to the railing as much as she could to keep from falling to hard, was screaming…

Janik didn’t know what to do. She wanted to help her mother, but she was frozen in

her little 5-year-old body. Taken by fear and sadness from all she had just witnessed.

Nicole screamed and screamed. She was hurt, she was scared. Scared for herself,

but also for her baby. Tears, screams and fear took over the house. That was it! Too

much!

Pierre picked Nicole up and apologized… took Janik and put her in her room, closed

the door and let her deal with what had just happened, all on her own. Taken by all

the emotions that we’re happening, she just didn’t know what else to do. She slipped

into her bed, under the covers and started to cry, until she fell asleep until the next

morning. Her young mind just couldn’t process all that was happening, but was left to

herself… Nicole went to the hospital to make sure all was ok with her baby and herself.

And life went on…

Little Janik was making herself as small as she could be, to make sure no more fights

would happen. She felt in the way. She felt it was her fault. Maybe if she wasn’t

there, Pierre and Nicole might have a chance.

She often made drawings to make them happy. She even picked flowers from the

neighbors garden, to make them smile and be happy. But she got punished, because

of her actions… Pierre just found her so annoying. Just too much to handle!

Nicole decided she needed some time to relax and gather her thoughts. Pierre

accepted. She went to an all-inclusive trip to Cuba for a week. Pierre looked after

Janik for the week.

Which meant that she had to follow Pierre wherever he went. He would go out very

late to his friends’ houses to have several lines of cocaine, some heroine and other

drugs. Janik would witness all this and would just be told to stop talking and wait. She

just had to make do. As Pierre would head home and drive, there were several near

accident misses. Thankfully she had a good angel on her shoulder to protect her.

Otherwise, she would probably not be around anymore… Nicole came back from her

holiday and Janik was relieved. She had gotten her protector back. A sense of sanity

was back.

As Pierre consumed more drugs, the worst the violence was. The worst the shouting,

manipulating and throwing became. The worst it was, the more Janik would try to find

ways to hide, be as little as possible and feel less wanted.

Not long before the birth of Bruno, Pierre, Nicole and Janik went to have a meal at the

local restaurant. Nicole and Pierre we’re happy, and deep in conversation. Not paying

much attention to Janik… So Janik Asked if she could go by a chocolate bar from the

store across the road. She was 5. Nicole gave her some money and she went. Nicole

asked Janik to be careful and she went. Janik crossed the street, no cars were coming

and ran to the store. Grabbed her favorite chocolate bar, paid for it and left to return

to the restaurant. Just before she crossed the street, Janik look right, then left and no

cars were in sight… She stepped out onto the street and started walking, until she

reach the half of the street and she heard cars screeching, honking and she looked up

and all the cars we’re stopped. People were shouting! “What are you doing!” An old

lady came to grab Janik by the arm and dragged her. She asked her where her parents

were… And Janik pointed to the restaurant, which the lady dragged Janik by the arm

into, shouting at her, telling her how incredibly dangerous and reckless she had been.

As they reached Nicole and Pierre, the lady was still shouting. Telling them how silly

Janik had been. They all started to shout at Janik, because she had been naughty.

Not looking. Janik was confused. She was only 5… She learned very quickly that it

was no longer someone else’s responsibility to take care of her, but only herself could

look after her. She needed to grow up fast and become the responsible one. Once

again, she was the bad one…

As the birth of the baby was approaching, Pierre was getting nicer to Nicole. He even

agreed to stop taking drugs. They started going to AA and NA meetings. Taking Janik

along with them, to the late meetings. Janik was left at the coffee station to help with

the serving. She had to entertain herself, whilst the long and boring meeting were

being help. And of course, be as quiet as possible. She was surrounded by drug

addicts, alcohol addicts and all sorts of weird people. People that shouldn’t be around

a young 5-year-old… and especially not at the late hours of the evening, when Janik

should have been sleeping in bed… But life wasn’t normal for Janik. She was put on

this earth to help her mom and others. But she only found that out later… much later.

But at a young age, it just felt natural. A role she was meant to have.

A few weeks later, Bruno came into the world. A beautiful baby boy. Janik Loved him.

She loved to take him in her arms. Finally, some else to play with and to love. The

little boy brought joy and happiness in the house. He made the house a happier one.

So near Bruno, things were good... So Janik became the second mom... She felt

safer in that role and it made everyone else happy. Bruno grew and when he turned

3 months old, Nicole had to go back to work, which created more tensions between

her and Pierre. Life got back to what it was. Screaming, shouting, violent rages,

throwing things around, visits to her grand-parents for refuge and fear, lots of it.

Janik was also pushed aside a lot by Pierre, due to her being the stranger in their newfound

family… So Janik was often shouted at by Pierre, he was being violent and

harsh.

One morning, Janik and Nicole woke up before Bruno. It was sunny outside. Janik

was in her mom’s bed, cuddling with her and enjoying this moment of peace. Pierre

was out and nowhere to be seen. As Nicole was wondering where he was, she was

enjoying the peace and quiet with her daughter. A moment of bliss between the two

of them. Until her a big slam was heard. The front door had been open and shut very

loudly. Janik hid under the blanket and hid herself in her mother’s chest. She was

scared. She didn’t know what was happening, but she could feel something wasn’t

right. A few second later, Janik peeked out and Pierre had just walked in the room.

He was completely high on drugs and his with sweater had blood everywhere. His

face was covered with cuts and bruises.

He said proudly: “I got in a fight and I won”. In his stooped up druggedness.

Nicole and Janik were horrified.

Nicole got on her feet and told Janik to stay there. She took Pierre by his arm and

took him to the kitchen. Out of ears reach. And had another big argument. Nicole

had had enough. She couldn’t stand having someone so irresponsible around her and

her children. She made a bag, grabbed Bruno and Janik and left to go to her parents’

house for refuge. She left him! Janik was thrilled! He was finally going to be out of

their lives forever!

But he kept calling, begging to have her back. Manipulating her and threatening to kill

himself if she didn’t come back. Nicole had just had enough. She just wasn’t going

back. Janik, Bruno and Nicole lived at her parents for several weeks. Feeling loved,

safe and happy. Of course the unpleasant call came up once in a while. Nicole was

sad, but things we’re simply better.

Pierre buried himself in drugs even more. He was lost. His choices became worst by

the day until one morning, Nicole came to see Janik and told her Pierre was dead. He

had died of an overdose of drugs.

As sad as it was, s feeling of relief happened. It would all stop there. There would no

longer be so much fear. Nicole was also relived, but sad. She was now left with 2

children and to fend for herself. Janik knew she had to step up and be older than the

bare 6 years she only had of her life. She was no longer a cub, but a full-grown lioness

herself. The one to protect her pack and make she things were going smoothly for

herself and her mother.

The weeks that followed the death of Pierre were very hard, as Nicole was being

blamed for his death, by Pierre family. They felt she abandoned him in the worst time

possible. Which made this all the more difficult for her to bare. And for Janik, as she

had to lift the spirits up!

As time went by, things and life got back to normal. Nicole was getting help from her

parents and life, was simpler, but better.

- - -

6 months later, a kind and caring man came into Nicole life… Guillaume!

On the first day Janik met Guillaume, she was smitten straight away. She even asked

him if he could stay over to sleep. A new dad, a savior. The person that could take

away the weight Janik was carrying on her shoulders. She would finally have someone

else take care of her mother for her. She could become a child again. By then Janik

was 6 years and a half. Guillaume fell in love with Nicole, Janik and Bruno. He decided

he was going to be their father. That he would take on those 2 little beings under his

wings and be part of their life forever. That’s how much he loved Nicole.

They dated for a few months and Nicole became pregnant. They all moved in together,

with a friend of Guillaume. A nice apartment, near a park. A friendly neighborhood.

They we’re all happy. Guillaume was kind, sweet and fatherly figure for the 2 children.

Life was simple again and everyone was being a child. Everything was the way things

should be.

Guillaume even picked Janik up from school on his motorbike to bring her back home.

She felt loved and cherished. She was no longer the odd one out without a father.

She was no longer the one being scared. She was slowly coming out of her shell.

Flourishing away!

In the summer between her “Maternelle” and her first grade, things we’re great. It was

sunny and warm. Janik was becoming more responsible, as the pregnancy was

coming along. Nicole was 7 months pregnant and Bruno was still small. So Janik had

more leeway to do things on her own, because her parents already had a lot to deal

with.

One day, on a sunny and cloudy day, Janik went to the park. She met a few friends

and played around the park with them. Enjoying herself, as her brother was taking a

nap in the house. Guillaume was asleep and Nicole was resting away at home.

Janik got an urge to use the bathroom, but didn’t stop to play, as she was having too

much fun playing around. The urge got bigger and bigger, so she stopped and went

to the “chalet” at the park that had toilets. The right side was for boys and on the left

side there were toilets for girls.

Janik went in, had a wee. There was no more toilet paper. It ran out. So Janik pulled

her pants up and was getting ready to leave the bathroom. She opens the door to the

stall and an old man was standing, blocking the door to leave. The man had grey hair,

wrinkled skin and was breathing heavily. His pupils were dilated. Janik immediately

felt something was wrong. The feeling of when she was living with Pierre had come

back. She felt uneasy.

The man opened his mouth and said: “Did you wipe yourself little girl?”. Janik was

looking at the floor, scared. She answered that she hadn’t. She felt shame straight

away. As if someone had caught her doing something wrong.

The man said, no problem little girl, I’ll help you. He brought Janik pants and

underpants down, pick Janik up and put her on the vanity. Turned the tap on and

started to take the water to cleaned Janik’s bum with his hand. He was going very

slowly to make sure he wasn’t missing any cracks. Taking his time. Turning himself

on. Feeling his erection grow in front of me, feeling his heavy breath on my skin, Janik

was feeling helpless and scared. She couldn’t quite understand why this man had to

do all this. As he finished cleaning and stroking Janik bum, he said ok let’s clean you

at the front. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his penis from his pants. He was

stroking his penis and said this is better. With one hand he was stroking his penis and

with the other he started to take some water and touch Janik’s vulva… to clean it and

stroke it. He took his penis and started to stroke it against Janik vulva. Pushing slowly

and caressing it. His erection grew bigger and his breathing got heavier. He asked

Janik to hold his penis and caress it too.

Janik was petrified, frozen and didn’t know what to do. This man was strong and

holding her down. She had lost her voice completely. She was mute, defenseless

and didn’t know what to do. As all this enfolded she kept wondering what was

happening to her. Time felt like an eternity. She didn’t know how long she had been

there for. She was immobile and lost within herself. She was being touched by a

complete stranger and he was exposing things that she knew wasn’t right.

Suddenly the door swung open and an angel walked in. A fierce woman came in, the

mother of one of the kids I was playing with not long before, and she shouted: “What

are you doing? “She brought me down, pushed the man and told me: “Put your pants

up and GO HOME!” So, I did was she did, and ran to my house, without looking back.

Janik never saw him or her again. But the shame stayed with her for a long time.

She got home and was on shock. Started to cry and ran to her bed, as she used to

do when Pierre was in her life. Her shell had closed up once more and another part

of her childhood had been taken away from her. She never let her shell open ever

again.

An hour later, Janik took the courage to tell her mom what had happened. Her mom

was petrified and didn’t know what to do. And that’s how it was left. With nothing done

and a little girl full of shame and once again had to deal with the copping of this new

experience all on her own.

It was brushed aside and never spoken of again. The police never got involved, Janik

was never verified by a doctor and life took back its normal course.

She had been bruised once again, but she had no choice but to keep fighting and put

all of that aside and be Super Woman once again.

She was told, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”. So she fought through

the pain and put on her super power suit and went on with her duties.

- - -

Life was good, Carolyne was now born and part of the family. We were a family of 5.

3 kids and 2 parents. Loving and happy. With some fights, but nothing unusual.

Guillaume was working nights and studying during the day. It put a strain on Nicole

who was doing it all. Janik was helping, because she was the oldest and she had to

help and show her siblings to give a good example. Getting dressed, getting ready,

going to school, etc… She was Mother #2.

Her siblings could count on her, like they could count on their mother.

For another 6 years life was good and went on as normal as could be. Until one spring

evening where Guillaume left home. With a bag on his shoulder he was leaving for

good. Leaving Nicole. Their relationship was strained.

So Janik Had to be present for her mother and siblings. She had to step up and be

the mom. Making their lunches, bringing them to school on a 45-minute bus ride,

bringing them back to their sport training and preparing them, whilst Nicole was getting

herself deeper and deeper into depression. She was consoling her mother, listening

to her mother’s pain and hardship. She was her crutch. She was angry at Guillaume

for making her live this. It was all his fault… even if today she understands that it

wasn’t. Love and life are concepts not always easy to understand.

For the next 8 years she was made to stay with her mother. That Guillaume was no

longer her dad. Her siblings were still going to see him, but she stayed behind with

her mom. It made the building of relationship between herself and her siblings very

hard or completely absent. As they were building a relationship together, she was at

home with her mom, taking care of her.

Thinking this was the right thing to do. She grew more and more angry at her father

for leaving her mother and stopped seeing Guillaume all together. Resenting his new

relationship and happiness, when she was left with a weeping mother to console.

The years went by and Janik couldn’t cope with it anymore. She grew tired of feeling

alone, victimized and being a crutch that she decided to pack up and leave for a

travelling trip, right after her grand-mother, who had always been an amazing mother

figure for her, had passed away. It was the final straw. Her final stable family member

had left her. Structures has and were always a constant fear for Janik. She always

felt them unstable and frightening. She always felt like something could fall at any

time. Some many years later, she found out it was all because of the foundation she

had as a child was never stable. It was always crumbling under her feet. Family

structures, friendships, relationships and more were always crumbling and she had to

rebuild herself from the ground up.

Tired of being always the responsible one, she finally felt free whilst travelling. She

was able to not have to report to anyone, not have to show the way to anyone or be

the brave one.

She was carefree and wild. Those many months were liberating!

That’s where she met, who she didn’t know at the time, her lifelong partner and best

friend. Ewan! Through the years he changed her for the better and helped her rebuild

a real foundation, through homes, patience, kindness, love, family, children, generosity

and care. Janik’s foundation was being rebuilt slowly but surely and very strong. She

learned more about herself in the first 10 years of her relationship with Ewan, than the

first 22 years of her life. He was her savior, her strength, her guide in every way

possible.

Several years later, after the purchase of 3 homes, the birth of 2 children, the adoption

of a dog, building several companies, some successful, some not, the realization of

dreams and much more. Janik became stronger and stronger.

After all of this and the childhood she had, she had grown with certain coping

mechanism.

Those slowly stopped working and slowly life showed her signs that she didn’t listen

to. She was head stronger, strong willed and fierce that she knew it all. She could

overcome anything, until her body slowly started shutting down… Her mind wasn’t

working in the same way. She beginning to be more forgetful, slower, more tired, more

sad, more depressed and more anxious about everything. Until one December day.

She decided to pay a visit to her family doctor, where she was diagnosed with anxiety,

depression, burnout and panic attacks. She lost complete control of herself. Shaking,

hyperventilation, fear, panic, stress, extreme tiredness, crying all the time for nothing,

feeling overwhelmed by everything, lost, completely overtaken by emotions. She

couldn’t be around anyone, couldn’t go out, speak to anyone, with most of these

symptoms reappearing. It was scary. She lost the will to live at some point. Her

husband and children were her only will to live. She couldn’t let them down and alone.

It’s what saved her and got her to break through and seek help. She started

medication, started to consult a psychologist and through lots of tears and hardship,

revisiting her past and present, she broke through. She got the tools she needed to

get herself better, after several months. (5 months).

Today Janik is 34 years old and has relearned how to operate in life, live by her

standard of love, peace, calmness, letting go, living in the moment and acceptance

and no judgement. Today she lives a life of pure joy and happiness and wants to

share it with the world. Help other rewire their brains and focus on the most important

thing in life, themselves. The true meaning of the word ME, MYSELF and I. The true

meaning of HAPPINESS AND INNER PEACE.

Life is worth living! Living is being!

Today she takes the first step to spread the word and become who she was always

meant to be and who she was put on this planet to be.

THE TRUE JANIK FAUTEUX!

Mental illness is still very unknown, even in 2018. It affects 1 in 4 people. We can't

take our brains out of our head to show you how we truly feel. We often put on a fake

smile and have a fake conversation just to try to have a regular life with the outside

world. It often takes us several days just to get over how much energy those moments

take us. It can also take decades to realize that you are living it and have a problem

to deal with.

If she had a broken bone, she would have a cast, but they don't make casts for mental

illness, so no one can see it. We look ok, but we're not. It however takes just as much

time to heal, if not more...

Mental illness stems from all forms of life events, situation, people around us, simple

words or hurtful gestures. Only one can suffice to create a big bad inner wolf inside

us. We are taught to silence our inner voice or pains and miseries. By silencing them,

we also slowly create a monster that shows its face once in a while and cries out to be

heard and healed. But we often silence it once more, by the fear of judgement, the

need to succeed, performance, peoples comments and misunderstanding of what

you’re living and more. We often do so until life forces us to our knees and make the

monster the one you’ve always feared would come and haunt you and make you face

the day, head on. The longer we wait, the longer it is to heal. The more you have a

reason to get better, the quicker it will be. The WHY factor is your only way out. The

weaker your WHY, the longer it will be and the darker you will see. The darker it is,

the closer to death to get. Some even commit suicide through too much darkness and

so little exits / issues that they can see. The tunnel can be long, but the WHY you

want to get better, is your only thing to hold on to and that will make you come out

stronger, better, and the blue sky and singing birds will feel so much softer and

brighter.

Recognizing it is the first step... but not always easy to accept. Once it is recognized,

seek help from family, friends, professionals and surround yourself with LOVE. Do

things to make you feel better. Close your ears to people who don't understand. You

can't blame them, they just don't know. We only know when we actually go through it

ourselves or have seen someone experience it. It's not their fault. Let judgement slide

off your back and focus on feeling like you again. One day at a time.

So with all this said, I am that woman.

To all that have been affected by this serious illness, don't give up, I love you, I

understand you and as they say: "You will soon see light at the end of the tunnel". It's

not forever. Apparently...

Fight for yourself! You will be a mental illness survivor.

Until next time! xx

#mentalillnesssurvivor #fightforyou #metoo

LIFE IT WORTH LIVING!

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Write, do things that make you feel good, sleep, take time for yourself, energize

yourself, meditate, listen to your breath, feel your breath, feel the power of your body,

understand your mind, accept what is, let go of judgement, be compassionate, be

grateful for a the little steps you’ve taken, be grateful for what life brings you, try to see

the positive in every situation (even as small as it could be), and repeat often: I love

you, I’m sorry, Please Forgive me, and Thank you. To yourself, your guiding lights

and to the universe.

Heal your soul, heal your past, heal your present and future. Be here with yourself

today, NOW and forever.

You deserve all that comes your way. We were all created as equals. We, our souls,

decided to come back on this planet to accomplish something, to learn something new

and accomplish something great. (Whatever it might be) Why just drift through life?

Make today count towards your true self.