Making the Right Choice (Love Edition)

When in doubt, trust your intuition. EASIER SAID THAN DONE!

When faced with a life changing decision, it is almost impossible to think you're making the right one, without doubting yourself first. Looking at all the options offered to you a millions times before taking the right one.

As a women we tend to do that more than men. If we have children, it's even harder, because we have more than just ourselves to think of. What outcome will have the least impact and all parties.

Then you add the money, the steps to reach that choice, the many mountains to climb.

It is not about making the right choice, but its about following our heart, our intuition and what fits the most with our self respect, our values and core needs.

In this article, I'm talking about being in a relationship and feeling unseen, unheard, under valued and feeling like we've become the mom for our partner.

That we've had the talks, Tried to communicate our discomfort. Tried to relight the fire. Tried to delegate. Tried everything in the book and still get greeted by rejection, gaslighting, avoidance and incapability of feeling some kind of emotional support from your partner.

For many years now, I've been in that situation. Trying everything in the book to regain my husband back. Regain our flame.

Over the years I've felt like I was conceding to others needs before mine. Accepting crumbs from people around me. Not putting any limits. Having a hard time saying no, in case I wasn't liked anymore. Just giving, giving and giving. What I felt was the right way forward as a wife, mother and daughter, sister and friend. I was slowly drowning myself.

Then a lived a BIG SHOCK. Which put to light all of this. It showed me how little care I had for myself. How little love I gave myself and how much I lived through others.

We tried to rekindle our flame. We tried to work things together. I wanted to, for my love for him, but also my fear of abandonment, rejection, loss of my dream family, fear of hurting my children and simply lots of fear.

He was working on it backwards. He wanted to make it work, because he liked the life I brought him. The comfort, the love, the uplifting. But it wasn't out of Real love for me. Which I felt the whole time we worked on each other.

His needs to stay the same was important and my need to have change was just as important. It couldn't work anymore. After months of trying I asked him if he wanted change.

He replied: NO. That's when I knew that the choice was out of my hands.

It wasn't a choice to make. It was actions I now had to take to reclaim my sanity, my peace, my self respect and self love.

Once the Pain of staying out ways the pain of leaving. Which if nothing changes, will come to you. It will hit you like a violent wind to the face. And you won't need courage anymore to jump. You core self will simply blur the words out.

"ITS OVER"! And that'll be it.

Live your life for you, as no one else will. You are a beautiful soul that deserves kindness, love and be surrounded by all the signs life shows you. You only have to be attentive to them.

When questioning yourself about the effects on your children. Here's one thought:

Separation is not good on children. But having your children see their parents argue all the time, be unhappy, sad and miserable is worst. That is from the mouth of a psycholigist.

In the end, the love you give your children through and after the separation will heal those wounds. Rise up, be the adult and be cordial with your partner, no matter how hard it is. You children deserve that. It will hurt, but it's temporary.

Love to you all!

REFLECTION:

• What is keeping you in your relationship?

• Is it worth it?

• Do you feel respected in your daily life?

• Have you taken some steps to reclaim your self respect and self care?