Courage: Finding Oneself

At the ripe age of 21, I had lost my grand-mother, left my boyfriend of the time and left the country. I was lost and my self compass was broken.

My grand-mother was my True North. The one real safe place. The place where I could find safety and solace in my tumultuous childhood.

During the time I cared for my grand-mother, many conversations happened with her and my uncles. My eldest uncle had told me stories of his travels, when he was younger. It allowed me to dream that maybe I could do that one day. 

After 3 months of caring for her at home, my grand-mother passed away peacefully. Her passing, my move out of my boyfriends house, my new job, it all became too much for me. I had an urge to run away. To go far away from everything and everyone I knew.

I had lost any desire to achieve anything. I just needed and wanted to run away and find myself. Maybe a way to escape all my problems temporary, but it felt right at the time. I thought that travelling would help me find the answers I needed. I didn't know what answers I was looking for, but there was definately something missing.

I took the summer to save up as much as I could to leave in the fall. From the spring to the fall I had gotten back with my boyfriend... I was working... My ultimate goal was to travel. I engrossed myself in travel books, working to save up, researched what I needed to have a safe and fun trip and offer some peace of mind to my family. 

Nothing was going to stop me from leaving and travelling.

October 26 2006 was my big day! The day I was finally leaving for my destiny. My mom, my siblings and my boyfriend were all at the airport with me to see me go. It was all very emotional.  It almost made me back out of all the plans I had made. I wasn’t used to disappointing people and making choices for myself. The uncertainty of this trip also scared me.  Leaving everyone behind got to me at the very last moment. The responsible girl, was finally doing something for herself.

I embarked on the plane and landed in London, UK.

I had planned to do a European trip, until someone recommended I head to Asia, where it would be easier to travel, and cheaper. So I went off to Paris for another 10 days... 

Days past in Paris, I just felt like I was where I was supposed to be. Living my best life, under no rules, no responsibilities and no one to care for. Just me. Wondering the streets of Paris. Eating delicious parisiens food, walking the street of Paris and enjoying the incredible views and the stunning Eiffel towers lite up at night. Just like my very own fairytale, whilst being on my own.

The budget was getting tight... Europe had swallowed it whole! So I had to make a decision and find alternative plans and move to a new continent. A less expensive one. Asia!

I went on to travel around Thailand, Malaysia, Burma, Indonesia for over 18 months.   I also went back to London for a few months, with my new British boyfriend, I had met in Thailand, whilst doing our Scuba diving courses.

We went back to Thailand later on to become scuba diving instructors. The British man I met, became my husband and the father of my 2 beautiful daughters.

Travelling made me find myself. Made me become a version of myself that didn't need to provide for others.  One that taught me that I was enough.  That its ok to think about yourself and provide for only myself.  Living by the rules of nature, one day at a time. Living in the present moment.

It was exactly what I needed. The fear of the unknown was hard, but it was all worth it in the end.

In the Spring of 2008 I was coming back home for good. With my new boyfriend. 

Simply know that the toughest of times, often end up being the best ones. The ones that form you to be closer to the best version of yourself.  On the right path. 

The path that was made for you and only you. You just have to have the courage to jump in it and face your fears.

What does it mean to have courage?  It’s jumping to feet into what you truly want, no matter how scary and unsettling it feels.  

No one else will ever do those jumps for you.  Do you have the courage to pursue your destiny?  And rise like the lotus in the mud OR the Phoenix?