Empty Nesters

Being a Mom for many years, Going through a divorce (or separation) as a mother, and learning how to be alone without your children, is a  indescribable pain, that all mothers will live at least once.  

• Are you a single mother who’s child is going off to college or moving out?

• Are you a mother a several children and your first or last child leaves the nest?

• Are you going through a divorce or separation and have to share the custody of your children in 2 different households?

• Your child is going away to travel or work abroad?

Nothing prepares you like standing in your home, alone, without what has filled your days and time for many years, like being alone without your children.  

The emptiness, the silence, the void it creates is pure agony at first.

You think your whole world is crumbling down. 

This is a new beginning.  One that you lose all your bearings.  

You have to relearn to live for yourself.  Relearn what “Mommy” likes, wants and needs.  

You have to reshape your daily life, activities, interests and occupations.

My story happened when I decided to separate from my husband.

We had tried to make things work, but after over 12 months, it clearly wasn’t going anywhere.  

We took several months before I moved out.  The day I did and for many weeks after that, reshaping my life, in a new home, every other week without my children that had been everything to me (my every thought, my every move, my every actions, towards them), for many years.  

I had to live all the emotions that came with that.  I knew if I didn’t, I would fall into replacement therapy.  That is often just a temporary solution.  

I had to find ways to create dopamine and serotonin in the body.  Spend some time thinking about them, but not allow myself to give way to darkness for too long.  Give myself a set amount of time to cope, and then move my body in order to shift my mind.  

Those were my ways to move forward.  Learn to have an temporary empty nest.  

Today, I appreciate my time alone.  It makes me a better mom, for when my children are at home.    I can give them my 150%.  

Laugh, talk, play, have fun and just be present.  

This is my way, but what is yours?  This time is hard and it makes you want to take the heart out of your chest.  It’s the best way I can explain it.  

No Matter how you’ve had to live this moment, I see you.  You are NOT alone.

Take the time you need, but remember that your children need you.  They need a mom that can rise up for them.  A mom that remembers how important they are.  

Cry, Scream, Laugh, Shout.  Do anything and everything that you need to get yourself through it.  But get out!  Don’t stay alone.  You deserve to relearn to live anf stand on your own 2 feet.  For yourself and for your children.  

REFLECTIONS:

• How did you live your empty nester ?

• How long did it take you to get through it?

• Did you celebrate your milestone?

• What made you feel better?

• What activities made you grow and smile?