Death: Losing Someone Important

Losing someone important to you is part of the path you will be walking on as a human being, no matter how hard you try to run away from it.

Loosing someone close to you can cut deeper than a knife. It burns you from the inside out, it makes you rethink your sanity, the path of life you're on and bring you into some deep thinking about the meaning of life and your purpose living on it.

Some people try to run away from grief.  You can run away from grief, asit will always catch up to you one way or another, sooner or later.

My grand-mother was the one I lost, at the age of 21 years old.  She was so important to me.  A great source of love and safety for me.  

My mom was always my main pillar, but my grand-mother always an important role in my life. The one we would run back to when life got harder, the one that gave us stability, the one that made me my breakfast in the morning when I slept at her house. I was her grand-daughter. She gave me love and attention. I felt important with her, heard, safe and cared for. 

In January 2006 I got a phone call from my uncle, saying I should rush to the hospital, because my grand mother only had 48 hours to live. She had a terminal cancer. My world came tumbling down. She had known for a short while, but didn't want to let anyone know and ask for help. She was a head strong women and didn’t want to bother anyone. Such were the days...

We rushed to her sides.  48 hours came and went and she was still with us, and feeling fairly ok. She asked her family to return home and be looked after at home.

For the next 3 months after that, I chose to look after my grand-mother, with my mom and my uncles. It was the first time we were the ones taking care of her. She had to let her guards down and allow others to take care of her. which wasn’t something normal for her.  Washing her teeth (Dentures), brushing her hair, feeding her, giving her medicine, washing her, helping her with her bathroom needs, even putting on her makeup. She needed us and it felt like an honour to be able to give her that.

The feeling of the inbetween.  You know death is going to happen, but you don’t know when.  That feeling of despair.  Loosing someone important, making the most of the time left, seeing them suffer and vulnerable, feeling hopelessness...  The mixture of emotions is something only someone who has lived it can comprehend.  

Over those 3 months, we talked, sang, I learned about her childhood, we talked about all sorts of different subjects, listened to her favorite singer, she spoke about her memories, played games she liked, and more. It was a true blessing to get to know that part of her that way.

Those 3 months gave her and I the chance to properly say goodbye. I was lucky to be able to have that chance. Not everyone gets a chance like that.

The day she left, a giant void was created in the middle of my chest.  One that heals, but never goes away.   But taking the time to remember this person, also fills this whole with memories.  Even 20 years later, I still cherish those memories fondly.

Those people make a mark on your life and for their sake, living your life to the fullest is so important! 

Revisit those memories as often as you need.  Grieving is not linear.  There is no time limit either.  

Keeping in touch with the people you love regularly is also important. You never know when their last day will be or even when your last moment will be.  It's not when they are gone that you can have that chance back. It makes you think about the important people in your life.

The love you have for a person departed never goes away.  It just gets easier to live without them with time.  You can find a way to include them and remember them in your own way.

Take the time to go through your grief, because wether or not you do it now or later, it will catch up with you someday if you dont. Grief is an important part of moving forward and living. You will question yourself, you will re-evaluate your life and you will laugh and cry, you will get angry with life and relive some fond memories. It's ok. Its a right of passage.

You will always feel their presence in daily moments of life. You just need to take the time to see it, hear it and feel it.

REFLECTIONS:

• What is your way to remember the deceased ?

• How do you connect with my grief?

• Have you dealt with you grief?

• If not, why?

• What was your way of dealing with your grief?