Betrayal

The hurt, the whole, the gigantic void a betrayal creates, can go really deep.

You think you know someone, you think you're in a good place... One day you have it all together and the next.. your whole world is crashing down. The rug is pulled from under you and you can't breathe.

All that's left is a broken version of you in pieces.

Betrayal can take many forms. It can be many things for different people.

My betrayal came from the person I thought was my safest place. My heart, my partner, my confident, my best friend.

Betrayal broke me. Betrayal crushed me. Betrayal took all my self estime away from me. It made me disappear into nothing, that I had to rebuild, brick by brick, day by day.

Betrayal is the act of violating someone's trust, confidence or a moral standard, often resulting in deep emotional pain and psychological conflict for those who are betrayed.

Betrayal is a complex phenomenon that breaks the foundation of trust in relationships, and its effects can be long-lasting and deeply personal.

Wether is a love relationship, a friendship, a family tie or work related, a betrayal runs deep.

Can it be repaired. To this day, I don't know. I'm still repairing the broken parts of me.

My story began 5 years ago. Living with chronic pain. Trying to find a way out, to live a normal healthy life again. For myself, my children and my husband. 3 operations in 3 years. 3 long years of doctors telling me it was in my head. 3 years of terrible pain. Not being able to operate as a normal person everyday. Doing all I needed to, to get better. Doctor, physios, exercices, nutrition, massage, training, tests and more. Name it, I got it. Thousands of dollars spent to make myself better. I fought for myself, in order to regain a relationship with my husband and be present for my kids. After those 3 years and 3 operations, I was on the mend. I had won my battles.

I was going to be back. And put all my focus on the ones that trully mattered. Make up for lost time. That's all I wanted.

Well, as I thought we were on the mend, our relationship was getting back on track, my familly was thriving again and I was healthy again... He fell in love with another women. Over drugs. He fell in love with an idea of this person (he didn't even know), that made him feel alive again. She had no idea. She wasn't interested. But she was there, etched in his mind.

He had to tell me. He couldn't bear to keep this information to himself. He told me and I fell into a psychotic episode. For weeks after that all he wanted to do was to get back into the partying with this new gang. Somehow see her again... Comparing me to her. Making me feel like it was me the problem. That it was in my head. That nothing had happened. That I should I have gotten over this a long time ago. Having pictures of her in his phone. Walking with her and dancing behind her, when we saw her again... Making me feel like it was all in my mind. Gaslighting me. That he had nothing for her. That is was banal. That I was the crazy one.

A year later, we sat together, after a whole year trying to fix things. To get back to us. A whole year... after being told he wasn't interested... And the energy was telling me otherwise...

You understand me ladies, right? Energy speaks louder than words. we sat down, at a restaurant and I asked him: Are you still curious? By the parties, by the "fun drugs", by her, by the group? He said: YES. That's where I had to stop it all. I had to finaly choose myself and tell myself there was no way I could stay and work at getting myself up, after 4 years of battle and not end up choosing myself. That's all that mattered.

The Pain of Staying had gotten more painful than the pain of leaving.

What about my children? What about me? What about money?

It all didn't matter anymore. He had to live what he had to live.

A few months went by before I found my place to live. 4 months later I move out finally... My own nest. My own place. The old place only reminded me of the pain I had lived for the last 4 years. Guest what?!

Another betrayal. Only days after moving out... and being told for a whole year and a half that it was in my head... That she was nothing... Well Guess what?! He found a way to go out 3 times with the group, with her and the parties, in the first 2 weeks. The final blow! The final Betrayal. The one that ended all. The one that finaly showed me that I wasn't crazy after all. That after 1.5 years, I was actually right. He proved me right. He showed me that I was right all along. After telling me for 1.5 years that he only told me the truth.. he actually proved to me, that he had be lying to me and himself all that time.

How do you get back from a betrayal... because guess what?! I can't just cut ties. We have children together. We own a company together. The income that keeps a roof over my head and feeds me and my children.

To all you women out there, living a betrayal. I see you. I hear you. I feel you.

Choose you. You deserve better. You deserve the world. Not to feel unsafe and unwanted. Trust your gut. Trust the energy you feel. Your body will speak to you. Listen to it. You're NOT crazy. He’s or she is gaslighting you. He's just trying to save face. And that's not yours to deal with.

I'm sorry your trust and safety was ever broken. Rebuild yourself for YOU. No one else deserve to be happier than you. For you.

I'm sending you all my love. From a rebuilding heart to another. You're worth it!

Betrayal, Violating the trusts