Becoming a Mother: The First Child

My first baby!  The one that made me a mother.  

My baby, my light, my heart, my sweet girl!   You changed my life for the better.  

You showed me how to love, like I’ve never loved before.  You put a smile on my face, every single day, without even trying.  You deserve the world.  You’ll always be my baby. 

Love, Mom xx

I found out I was pregnant the day my godson was born. Holding him in the hospital put me in a beautiful stir of emotions, an unusual one, so I took a pregnancy test. 

There it was, my first sign I would become a mom... It was positive.

I still wasn’t engaged to my boyfriend yet.  But life gave me the wings to accept I wasn’t going down that road quite yet.  Becoming a mom, was more than enough for me.  I was safe enough in my relationship that I knew this man would be the perfect father and that marriage wasn’t necessary to fulfill the dream of being a mother with a good man. 

I knew deep down in my soul that this man, married or not, was going to be a great father. 

4 months into the pregnancy, on January 18, I found that our beautiful child was going to be a girl! A beautiful girl. One that would change my life forever. That same day, he proposed!

The months went by, pregnancy wasn’t what I would call fun and loving. It was tough.

I was sleepy and nauseous, I had to stop by the side of the road to have power naps, take nauseating salty plums to take the heart burns away and feel all the feels. 

When we see pregnant women having the most amazing pregnancies. Glowing. Living their best life. That wasn’t my pregnancy. In the end however, it was worth it.  

At 32 weeks of pregnancy, I had nothing ready, but I had found a midwife to birth me. I was going to have my baby in my dream way. With a midwife and not in a hospital, until I reached 32 weeks of pregnancy.   I still hadn’t had my baby shower.  I had nothing ready for her, except her bed.   I thought I had plenty of time...

My daughter had other plans for me. She was excited to come and meet us. 

At 32 weeks of pregnancy, I was bed ridden for the following 2 and a half weeks, until she came to meet us, at 34 weeks premature. 

She was perfect, strong, and perfectly healthy. She was just curious and ready to feel the world, just as she is today.  A strong-willed girl, with the need for adventure and to discover the world. Still perfect and amazing!  She amazes more and more everyday. 

5 days after my delivery and being under surveillance, she was strong enough to come home.  That’s when we became a family of 4. A dog and 3 humans! 

She was the spitting image of her dad.  She is strong, funny, caring, sweet and knows who she is, even at such a young age. I admire her deeply and will be forever grateful to have her in my life and for her father to have given me this precious soul.

I love you My Lily, “Plus grand que l’univers et pour toujours!”

Having children is beautiful in many ways.  It makes you become a better version of yourself.  Your thoughts are no longer fixed on just yourself.  You become a person that has the responsability of another human in your hands.  It’s powerful and uplifting all at once.  

How was your path to becoming a parent?  Were you able to have your dream pregnancy?  and Delivery?

Did your plans change rapidly?  How did that impact you?  

We often feel like we’re not allowed to have a tough time as a mother.  Or have an experience that is different to others.  It very quickly puts us in a position to think we’re a bad parent.   Or we’ll be judge for it.

I want to say that if you’ve lived a path to pregnancy, giving birth or motherhood that wasn’t what you expected.  Or that you would have preferred it to go differently.  I see you.  I hear you.  You are not a bad mother.  

You matter and you are worth living those emotions.  You are valued and those emotions don’t diminish who you are.  It makes you real.   Allow yourself the time and space to grieve and accept that your path was different.  And embrace the result.  

I’m sending you my love!