13. Being Bullied

Being bullied is tough. But where is the line between bullying and being bullied or even knowing the difference.

At primary school age, we think we are having friendships with others and enjoying our life, until we just no longer want to spend time with that person and run away from them. At a young age, they don't know that's bullying. It is up to the parent to step up and ensure the children understand that what they are doing is wrong and what bullying is.

Once in high school, the child should now knows the difference.

Bullying someone is often the sign of a personal weakness or internal sadness, that is left dormant and untreated. It is hard to see at first, when being bullied, but in the long run it is easier to see, when you dig just a little deeper.

Bullying comes in many forms and from many different types of ways, from different types of people...

In high school I had been fun. I was carefree. I had lots of friends. We were living a good life together. Lots of strong friendship, I thought. I had a lot of my friends from swimming at school, because I went to a sport study program. But I also had other friendships.

I stopped swimming at the end of my fourth year of high school. I had had enough. I couldn't bare it anymore. I wasn't enjoying it anymore. The competitiveness had gotten to me. It just wasn't me. My coach gave me his final words of wisdom, that stuck with me for a long time:

"You're a loser and a quitter, you're going to do this all your life!"

Whilst shouting at me. It left me in tears. He had crushed me. Really made me believe, for a long time, that I was a loser. That I would amount to nothing. Until I got over it and proved him wrong. I fought through it and realized he was projecting his fears onto me. I'm not a quitter, I'm not a loser! I'm a fighter! But words can destroy you. You have to have strength of mind and realized your self worth. You are not what people project onto you. You are only the person you believe you are. A great one! An amazing one! You just need to believe in it and feel it.

It was mid year... That year.. I had stopped swimming, I was seeing less and less of my swimming friends, except the ones that was in my group of friends at school. I was just no longer part of the "Cool gang". The sporty kid.

Important note, I was going to a sport study program, with a lot of my swimming friends. Since I had stopped swimming, I was rejected and bullied.

They would laugh at what I was saying, what I was wearing, pushing me, shoving me around in the hallways, threatening to hurt me. I was even told I shouldn't go to prom, because I would be thrown eggs at me, by them. So I didn't go. I missed my prom.

I was secluded for over 6 months and left high school on a sour note, with no friends from school and no friends from swimming. I had become a loner. Alone. I reverted to watching television a lot. It was my way of feeling something happy. (with Dawson's Creek and daily shows). Life had come to another stop. Another hurdle. Another heartache.

Bullying is hard and tough. No one should ever feel this way or treated this way.

10 Years later 2 of the 10 people bullied me came forward and apologized. These were people I had so much fun with in the past, but turned on me for no reason. I, still to this day, don't know why this happened. The apologies helped heal some wounds, but not others. The ones from the other people who didn't have the guts to apologize.

In my case, bullying came from friends, coaches, parents of friends, and more... Even people in a trusting position.

When bullied, never leave it in. Speak to someone. If you don't have friends or don't know who to speak to, speak to your parents or a therapist. Find a community of people that will take you in with arms wide open. It's not always easy to do, but it's for your own good.

Reliving the words someone sent your way and deconstructing them, understanding that the person sending the words is also living with their own pain, often reduces the impact the words will have on you.

You deserve better! You deserve to be happy and be loved.