7. Being Young - Part 2

Being young should rime with living our childhood, but it's not the case for everyone. Some have to grow up quicker than others. It's the path chosen. It may not seem fair or we might not understand why we live different lives to others, (sometimes shittier lives than other), but the answer will come throughout your life, or maybe never. But there is always a deeper meaning to every situation.

It was after the last chapter of my life, that I started to really grow up quickly. Quicker than most. I had already seen more than most, heard more and lived more than most 5 year olds.

The calm had just set in... Just like a healing scab that's been picked several times.... A deeper wound that turns into a scar. The scar is a new healed skin, but it always leaves a permanent mark. Which is how I felt about the previous chapter of my life.

How weird that a 5 year old can already talk about life chapters... But it was my reality...

The inbetween. The time where it was just my mom, my brother and I. I know my mom found it hard to be a single mother. Making ends meet. Raising 2 children on her own. My ever present grand-parents, we're always nearby to help. Even with the harder times my mom had with her father, as a young girl, she could still find refuge in her family home.

This was another period of time where life felt safer. We had his funeral... Hearing all the various arguments between my mom and HIS family. But at least he was no longer creating scary moments for me.

I felt older and wiser than most kids.. I felt different than them. I didn't know why. Today I can easily say it's because of HIM. Of those 18 months spent with him, at only 5 years of age. A third of my young life. It felt like forever.

Heart healing, we moved to a new place. I remember it had a lot of wood. Mouldings made of wood, baseboard made of wood and giant wooden doors. It was our safe place.

It was 6 months of just the 3 of us.

6 months after the death of Him, a new man came into our lives. He was tall. He was kind. He was playful. I even asked him if he could sleep over on the first night. That's how much I enjoyed being around him. He took us both, my brother and I, under his wing. We became his and he became our dad.

He made my mom happy. Which made me happy. We were now a family of 4.

A new Chapter was about to begin...

This all to say that, now over 35 years later, I thank HIM for his passage in my life and forging the character of the person I am today. For a long time I hated him, but I can safely thank him today and see what implication he had in who I am today. Its ok to resent someone, but its also important to one day release yourself your the hold certain people have on you, only by what space you allow them to have in your mind and daily life. By letting go, you are setting yourself free and allowing for fresh love to fill this old void. Only good can come from it. You deserve it! You are worth it!