9. A Moment at the Park...

** Sensitive Content Below**

Have you ever had thoughts about the boogey man? The monster in your closet that you hear about? The one that your parents warn you about, but never really know if its true...

The boogey man you can't get rid of, is the worst. The man that becomes a shadow for years to come in your life... The one that put you in a state to alert every time you walk outside and you protect yourself from it ever happening again...

That's what happened to me, for just a moment in the park...

I was 7 years old, almost 8... My siblings were still young. I was older and needed to move and they needed their nap. Like most kids in the 80's, we went to the park on our own to play. It was what was done then. There was a fun park just across the road from where we were living. I liked to go there. There was a corner store, where you could buy all sorts of candy for almost no money at all. The good old days! 25 cents gave you a big bag of yummy candy. I would then run and eat all my candy at the park. I was "old" enough to go to the park alone. Such were the days in the late 80s, early 90s. It was normal. As long as I came back home in time. Which I did.

I was a good girl, an obedient girl, a girl that wanted to please others... I would always come back on time.

That afternoon, during my siblings nap, I went to the park. Ate my candy, drank my juice bag, you know the ones you could pop a nice straw into it... that I had purchased at the same time, then played with a little girl. Her mom was there. We were playing in the sand, making castles and having fun. She was younger than me, but I was used to playing with younger kids. We were just kids being kids.

As I was playing with my friend, the juice bag I had drunk very rapidly had made its way down. I was having so much fun that I brushed off the need for the toilet several times, until it became crucial for me to go. I asked the mother of my friend if the toilets in the block were open. She responded that they were.

I ran to the toilet, did what I needed to... Flushed the toilet, pulled up my pants and unlocked the door.

As I opened the door an old man was waiting outside the stalls, in the ladies bathroom... he seemed to be waiting for something. He felt weird, I had an unpleasant feeling about this person, standing in front of me. My uncomfortable feeling turned into a reality... Right there... He was blocking my way to the exit door. I washed my hands and tried to make my way out and he said: "I think you didn't wipe yourself properly..." I froze. I didn't know what to do or what to say. He said: "pull down your pants we'll have a look." Being the obedient little girl, but scared girl, I pulled down my pants... I was frozen with fear.

He grabbed me and lifted me onto the vanity. He turned the water on, unzipped his pants, pulled out his private part and proceeded to use the water and his bare hands to wash my private parts, rubbing his naked privates against my legs and thigh...

I asked to leave, I begged to be let down and he said he wasn't finished. A tear came down my face. I was frozen and didn't now what to do. He was strong and was holding me tightly. I had nowhere to go.

We was strocking my anus, my vulva, my stomach... I just felt a feeling of disgust and discomfort, without knowing why and what to do. I was paralyzed. Completely paralyzed. Time passed slowly, it all felt like an eternity.

As he was doing all this a lady came in, my new friends mom.. who to this day, I am very grateful to. She shouted at him and then proceeded to shout at me and said: "Go home! What are you doing!"

He put his private part back in, feeling shame from being caught... zipped his pants up and she brought me down from the vanity and I ran home, like I had never run before. I never saw this woman again, but she saved me from much worst happening.

I got home, ran up the stairs and went to hide in my room. My mom telling me to be quiet, not to wake up my siblings from their daytime nap.

I went into the bathroom and started to cry and shake violently. Away from everyone. My mom asked me what was going on... I said nothing. I didn't know how to verbalize what had just happened. I thought I would get in trouble, for not doing the right things. I simply could not process any of it.

Later on I told her a few things... I was still on shock and paralyzed. She took me in her arms and said it was okay.. that I would be okay. There was nothing else that could be done, the man had long left the park and the day as well. We never spoke of it again for another 20 years.

I never went back to the park alone. I was scarred. Nothing more was done about that moment. The man was never seen again. He took my innocence away, what was left of it, in just a few moments and shadowed several nightmares after. The event felt surreal and I forgot about that moment for over 20 years, until it came to haunt me once again. It however haunted me in my dreams, without really knowing what it was.

Know that whatever the situation you went through, you are validated. You are allowed to feel whatever feelings you are feeling. Let them come up and allow yourself to feel them and live them. It's the only way you will get past such a trauma. You will probably never forget, but you will at least grieve the moment and become stronger for allowing yourself to be vulnerable and accept that you are not what happened to you.

You are a strong! You are beautiful! You are valued!