20. Relationship Breakup - 6 Months Later...

In the Spring of 2007, I was in my new relationship and happy, but I felt bad at how things had ended with my previous relationship...

Before going travelling I had been in a 3 year relationship. It wasn't working anymore and I ended my relationship with him twice. Once at the same time as I lost my grandmother. In a rush, with no real thought put into it and a lot of emotions linked to the loss of one of the most important person in my life. A second time, 2 weeks after I left travelling, over the phone. It was a thought out and rational decision, but that broke many hearts along the way. Family members, friends and more.

After 7 months of not seeing him and not speaking to him, I had to come back to Montreal to get a work visa in order to work in London, with my current boyfriend. I had to spend 2 week at home in order to get this said visa.

So May of 2007, I went back home and surprised my family and friends. They were all happy to see me. It had been over 7 months since I had seen them. They weren't so happy to hear I was leaving again in 2 weeks, but we made the most of it, whilst we could.

The breakup, being done over the phone and so quickly, had always stayed in my mind and how hurt he had been about it. Friends had told me how much pain I had caused him and I wasn't comfortable with that. I don't like to hurt people, even when I have to follow my heart. "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself." Something I go by for every decision I make in my life... But the situation made it hard for me to do it differently, so I had regrets.

I had to apologize for hurting him. Without thinking what it might do to him, I found out where he worked and I went to see him.

I was able to apologize. He bent over to try to kiss me, but I pulled away. I was taken aback. I'm not the type to cheat on anyone, so I didn't.

I realized that maybe going to see him wasn't the best of ideas. I broke his heart once more. I wanted to do the right thing, but I ended up doing the wrong thing.

Decision making when we are young is often impulsive and based on our own needs. We often forget what it could do to the other person. Even if you mean well.

Taking our time to make a decision can often be a good decision. Sleeping on it... on night, 2, 3 , 4 or more. Writing a list of Pros and Cons. Seeing the other side of the medal. Analyzing, questionning ourself and others can often bring us another perspective.

That day I made a mistake and the time I broke up with him (the first time) and the second timeI didn't do it properly. I was being selfish and impulsive.

Breakups are never easy. They are rarely at the right time. But it's also important to listen to yourself. Value your own feelings too. It is all in the way you put it into action that matters. You listen to yourself and do it in a way that you wold prefer to be treated.

How would you like to be told that you no longer want to be with you?

Use the tools mentioned above. Write it down. Speak to someone. Get some support for yourself and the other person. Everyone deserve to be respected and valued.

To this day, I don't have many regrets, but hurting him is one of them. You'll be pleased to know that he is now happily married 3 beautiful kids of his own.

Take your time to make the right decision, because it is hard to go back to what you used to have before hurting your partner. It is hard for both parties to come back from deep hurt.

You both deserve a pathway in life that has more Joy, Care and Love, than hardship and difficulties to surmount. Our lives are full of hurdles, try to make as little as possible for yourself.

You deserve peace and Love.