20. Travelling - Finding Myself Away from Home

At the ripe age of 21, I had lot my grand-mother, left my First real Love and left the country. I was lost and my self compass was broken.

She was my True North. The one real safe place. The place where I could find safety and solace in my tumultuous childhood.

During the time I cared for my grand-mother, many conversations happened with her and my uncles separately. My eldest uncle had told me stories of this travels, when he was younger. It allowed me to dream that maybe I could do that one day. In the winter of 2006, he had told me several stories.

After 3 months of caring for her at home, my grand-mother passed away peacefully. Her passing, my move out of my boyfriends house, my new job, it all became too much for me. I had an urge to run away. To go far away from everything and everyone I knew.

I had lost any desire to achieve anything. I just needed and wanted to run away and find myself. Maybe a way to escape all my problems temporary, but it felt right at the time. I thought that travelling would help me find the answers I needed. I didn't know what answers I was looking for, but there was definately something missing.

I took the summer to save up as much as I could to leave in the fall. From the spring to the fall I had gotten back with my boyfriend... I was working... My ultimate goal was to travel. I engrossed myself in travel books, working to save up, research what I needed to have a safe and fun trip and leave some peace of mind to my family... I tried to find people to join me, but no one was interested. So I planned it all for myself. Nothing was going to stop me from leaving and travelling.

October 26 2006 was my big day! The day I was finally leaving for my destiny. My mom, my siblings and my boyfriend were all at the airport with me to see me go. We had had a dinner at the restaurant before... It was all very emotional, it almost made me back out of all the plans I had made. I wasn, Tt used to dispointing people and making a choice for myself. The uncertainty of this trip also carred me, no one I really knew had done something like this and I was on my own. Leaving everyone behind got to me at the very last moment. The responsible girl, was finally doing something for herself.

I embarked on the plane and landed in London, UK.

I landed and stayed with the nephew of my moms abusive boyfriend... My brother's real father nephew. I stayed with him for 2 weeks.

He was kind, helpful. I spent those 2 weeks acclimating to the new time zone, the people, the places to see, the architecture and all that London has to offer.

I had planned to do a European trip, until I was suggested to head for Asia, where it would be easier to travel cheaper. So I went off to Paris for another 10 days... Where I officially broke it off with my boyfriend. I was at a pay phone just out side where I was staying and I left him there. He had told me he had bought an engagement ring and was about to come out to see me, but by then he had refused my invitation too many time and I resolved myself to do this trip on my own!

Days past in Paris, I just felt like I was where I was supposed to be. Living my best life, under no rules, no responsibilities and no one to care for. Just me. Wondering the streets of Paris, eating the delicious food parisians have to offer, the incredible views and the stunning eiffle towers lite up at night. Just like my very own fairytale, whilst being on my own.

The budget was getting tight... Europe had swallowed it whole! So I had to made alternative plans and move to a new continents. A less expensive one. Asia!

I went on to travel around Thailand, Malaysia, Burma, Indonesia for over 18 monthincluding fanother trips to London for a few months with my new british boyfriend I had met in Thailand, whilst doing our Scuba diving course to become guides.

We went back to Thaialand later on to become scuba diving instructors. The British man I met, is now my husband and the father of my 2 beautiful children.

Travelling made me find myself. Made me become a version of myself that didn't need to provide for other, but to provide for myself and live by the rules of nature. One day at a time, living in the present moment.

It was exactly what I needed. The fear of the unknown was hard, but it was all worth it in the end.

In the Spring of 2008 I was coming back home for good. With my now husband. More adventures unfolded after...

Simply know that the toughest times, end up being the best ones. The ones that form you to be on the right path. Your path was made for you and only you. You just have to have the courage to jump in it and face your fears.