16. Losing Someone Important

Losing someone important is part of the path you will be walking on, no matter how hard you try to run away from it.

However loosing someone close to you cuts deeper than a knife. It burns you from the inside out, it makes you rethink your sanity, the path of life you're on and bring you into some deep thinking of what is, what will be and what life should really be.

Some people run away from it, but it will always catch up to you one way or another, whether you want it or not.

My grand-mother was the one I lost, at the age of 21 years old.

My mom was always the main pillar, but my grand-mother was always the strong figure in my life. The one we ran back to when life got harder, the one that gave us stability, the one that made me my breakfast in the morning when I slept at her house. I was her grand-daughter. She gave me love and attention. I felt important with her, heard, safe and cared for. No one else made me feel this way.

In January 2006 I got a phone call from my uncle, saying I should rush to the hospital, because my grand mother only had 48 hours to live. She had a terminal cancer. My world came tumbling down. She had known for a short while, but didn't want to let anyone know and ask for help. She was a head strong women and didn’t want to bother anyone. Such were the days...

We rushed to her sides, the 48 hours came and went and she was still with us, and feeling ok. She asked her family to return home and be looked after at home.

For the next 3 months after that, I looked after my grand-mother, with my mom and uncles. It was the first time we were the ones taking care of her. She had to let her guards down and allow others to take care of her. Washing her teeth (Dentures), brushing her hair, feeding her, giving her medicine, washing her, helping her with her bathroom needs, even putting on her makeup. She needed us and it felt like an honour to be able to give her that.

Over those 3 months, we talked, sang, I learned about her childhood, we talked about all sorts of different subjects, listened to her favorite singer, spoke her her memories, played games she liked, and more. It was a true blessing to get to know that part of her that way.

Those 3 months gave us and I the chance to properly say goodbye. I was lucky to be able to have that chance. Not everyone gets to have that chance.

Living your life to the fullest is so important! Keeping in touch with the people you love regularly is also important. It's not when they are gone that you can have that chance back. It makes you rethink the implications of the important people in our life and who are the important in your life.

Love for a lost soul never goes away, it just gets easier to live with. You’ll find a way to keep them in your life.

Take the time to go through your grief, because wether or not you do it now, it will catch up with you, some day if you dont. Grief is an important part of moving forward. You will question yourself, you will re-evaluate your life and you will cry, you will get angry with life and relive some fond memories. It's ok. Its a right of passage.

You will always feel their presence in daily moments of life. You just need to take the time to see it, hear it and feel it.

My grand-mother passed away on April11th 2006, early in the hours of the morning. Peacefully, around my uncles and myself. The rest of the family gathered later on that day at her apartment. Her funerals came a few weeks later. She was loved and is still is today. We still gather as a family and remember her in the best way we can. Relive the momeries we have of her. She was the center of our family.

Namaste Grand-ma! I miss you xxxxx