14. A Biological Father... Whatever

A parent is a parent by choice. The title is officially given only because the person has given a seed or an egg top create the child, but the title of Dad is one that is earned by time, love and real parenting.

Some people take it more seriously than others and that shows in the upbringing and state of mind of the child as he or she grows up.

The presence, time and love makes all the difference.

Throughout my life, I've never really been in touch with my Real Father, except sporadically...

This is our journey...

He was young. 17, when my mom got pregnant. She was 22. She wanted to keep me, he didn't want to. So My mom kept me, without even asking anything from him.

At 4 years old, we came across him, whilst in the car. This is when I learned who he was. We crossed path quickly and not again for another few years.

Later on, around the age of 9 I would go and see him and his new girlfriend, who had 2 daughters. He would take care of them, but not me. I would come back crying every time I would see him. He just didn't care about me. I was a prize to show around whenever he had a new girlfriend or felt like it would benefit him to have me around.

At 16, I wanted to get to know him more, learn who he was, in order to learn about who I was. I knocked at his door, unannounced. I needed to find myself. He opened the door surprised. We chatted for a few minutes and he finished by saying: "I'm not ready to have you in my life, please don't come back." He closed the door and that was it. I left we the regret of, yet again, being rejected.

Around when I turned 18, he met his new girlfriend. A sweetheart! She was thrilled to know he had a daughter. That's when he became very interested in having me in his life. Called me, offered me everything I would want, even going on a trip, take me out to for meals, had chats that we never had before and more. All to parade me around to his girlfriends, which I didn’t understand then. We created a small bond then. I was happy to finally understand the other side of me I had never understood. He was funny. I liked being around him, for once he took notice of me and an interest in me, like never before...

A couple of years later, I went travelling and never heard back from him. Until I got back.

He was no longer with his girlfriend. He had started using drugs again. Crack... He was hurting himself. He was calling me for help. I would run to him. I wanted to save him. I didn’t want to go back to being fully rejected and ignored. I wanted to save the small relationship I was holding onto...

The day I got kids, things took a little turn. We were still back to barely speaking and I didn’t want my children to be around any a drug addict, like I was when I was young. That's when I decided to block things with him. My daughters had only met him twice in the distance. I couldn't put my children through anything I had been through. It was too much. I had to go. It was my time to go and leave him, like he had done all my life. But this time it was with a decision I made with mine and my children’s best interest at heart. No resentment.

Throughout my 30s, he tried to get in touch with me, reconnect. He was no longer using drugs. He wanted to be part of my daughters life. It was me this time that had had enough of him. I took control of my life and simply told him that I didn't have time for him.

The roles had reversed. Today, I am numb to him. He's just not part of my life, and it is better this way.

It can be a hard and long road to fully understand the meaning of a real parent and what kind of implications we want them to have on our life. The struggle to get to the comfortable place and state of mind to achieve this balance came be a long road. Our parents are, even if we don’t want, an integral part of us. We are an integral part of them and its often the only to fully understand who we are.

Whether you are raised by both parents, a single parents, step parents, adopted parents or extended family members, remember that what matters is you and that you find you and a way to love yourself to better find your real meaning in life.

You are worth it!